Dimanche 20 mars 2011 à 13:00

C'est dur de passer à autre chose. Cela serai plus facile si son comportement était cohérent, si il n'était pas si rude et froid envers moi... Il me dit "je t'aime" la veille, me quitte aussi sec le lendemain et semble décidé à passer à autre chose moins d'une semaine plus tard. Au moment où il l'a quitté, il m'a dit que si ça ne devait pas marcher on pourrait rester amis, et maintenant il ne veut plus me voir, dit même que c'est une corvée. Il avait l'air de tenir à notre relation, même amicale mais ne fait rien pour la conserver. Il me dit " tu me connais, je n'aime pas faire de mal au gens" mais semble prendre plaisir à me voir souffrir.
J'ai toujours aimé lui parler, même quand on n'était plus ensemble, j'étais à l'aise, il n'y a personne avec qui je puisse parler comme ça. Je suis trop bien dans ses moments là pour imaginer laisser tomber ça comme ça.
Certain(e)s y voient une vengeance, comme si il faisait exprès d'être comme ça comme pour me rendre la monnaie de ma pièce. Il est même passé dans l'esprit de certains, l'idée que cela puisse être prémédité, voulu, comme une sorte de complot. Je ne pense pas, il n'est pas aussi machiavélique...  Je ne le pensai pas capable d'agir de la sorte, c'est peut-être en cela qu'il dit que je ne le connait plus. Mais si c'est une facette de son nouveau "moi", je n'ai pas envie de la connaitre, elle fait trop mal, elle lui ressemble tellement peu..

Ce qui me tue c'est son trop plein d'honnêteté envers moi comparé à ce qu'il semble près à lui avouer. N'étais-je pas chez lui le soir même où elle partait? Ne m'as-t-il pas dit des choses comme " ça va beaucoup mieux maintenant", " je me sens mieux, je peux être moi même sans me prendre la tête", "il n'y a rien qui m'énerve chez toi, alors que avec elle on se prenait souvent la tête, il y avait des choses que je supportais pas"... Ne m'as-t-il pas dit aussi: "je la bloque l'autre là, elle est capable de venir fouiner, de mettre son nez partout". J'imagine que ce genre de mots durs me sont maintenant destinés...

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